A common question from parents of young children is, “Should I let my child close their bedroom door?” or from parents of older teens, “My child wants a lock for their bedroom door, is this a good idea?”
*
Why does this matter? An optimal way to help your child learn how to place and hold boundaries when they are teens and adults is by directly modeling healthy boundary-setting when they are young–in your own life, and in theirs.
*
We want our children to know that with increased responsibility comes increased freedom. When children have ample opportunities to be autonomous, to have agency in their own lives, they begin to elevate to higher levels of self-responsibility and accountability.
*
Your child may want to have down-time in their room (which I recommend making part of your child’s daily fold), want to be creative (sing, draw, make-believe), or may simply want a bit of time without a sibling barging in.
*
Otherwise, the subtle message (in regard to this question) that is learned is, “You do not control your personal space. You cannot set a boundary on your personal space. You do not have personal space. Personal space does not matter for you,” and on.
*
From around age 7 and up, it’s great to make a privacy doorknob hanger with your child.
*
On one side of the hanger, your child can write “Please Knock” or similar. When this side is showing, everyone in the family honors the request by knocking AND waiting for the child to either come to their door to open it or to call for the family member to come in.
*
On the other side of the hanger, the child can write “Privacy Please” or similar. This would indicate that the child does not want anyone to knock or come in at that time.
*
When a child learns how to set a boundary (self-care) and more importantly, how to hold to it (self-love), it becomes their default tendency. They gain an essential skill that will help them have emotionally and physically safe and healthy relationships in every area of their lives.
*
And, they will have learned what this looks like and feels like—from you.
#parenting #boundaries #privacy #selflove #selfcare #caradaycoaching #caradayretreats
